Jimmy Fallon's Thank You Notes From Friday, February 12, 2010

TRANSCRIPT
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Thank you, Olympic rings, for showing Fruit Loops what they can become if they apply themselves.

Thank you, figure skating, for being like if hockey could come out of the closet.

Thank you, John Mayer, for the article in Playboy, for using the n-word, calling your penis a white supremacist, and calling Jessica Simpson "sexual napalm". I really think you put that rumor of you being a douchebag to rest.

Thank you, fake drawer in my kitchen. Even though I've lived with you for ten years, you still manage to fake me out.

Thank you, hangers, for being like floating plastic shoulders.

Thank you, New York, for being the only city in America where Spiderman can do his thing. Can you imagine if Peter Parker was born in Santa Fe, New Mexico. LAME!

Thank you, 6% of male population, for admitting to passing off existing romantic poetry as your own in order to impress women. For the record, I'd like to tell my wife that I'd never do that. I'd die for you, lie for you, walk the wire for you, I'd die for you, you know it's true, that everything I do, oh babe, I'd do it for you.