Jimmy Fallon's Thank You Notes From Friday, July 30, 2010

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Thank you, the term "outstanding debt", for making it sound awesome to owe people money.

Thank you, Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman, for releasing a beautiful line of necklaces for Kay Jewelers that also happen to look like bedazzled nutsacks.

Thank you, German tourists, for finally answering the question, "Who uses the waiststrap on backpacks?"

Jimmy Fallon's Thank You Notes From Friday, July 23, 2010

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Thank you, inception, for being a movie I bet Sarah Palin thinks is about getting pregnant.

Thank you, China, for selling Pabst Blue Ribbon beer for $44 a bottle. I know we owe you like billions of dollars, so how about we send you a couple cases of crappy beer and call it even.

Thank you, J. Crew catalogs, for declaring to the world, "You too can dress like Potsie from Happy Days".

Thank you, Lifetime Achievement Awards, for being a nice way of saying, "You are about to die".

Thank you, the sound of banjos, for making me snap my fingers and wiggle my toes, and making me feel like I'm going to get violated by a toothless hillbilly.

Thank you, 2:30 in the morning, for always being the first sign that tomorrow's gonna suck.

Thank you, guy at a urinal going to shake my hand with one hand while doing his business with the other. Life is short, buddy, but it ain't that short.

Thank you, calculator watches, for allowing me to combine my three greatest passions: telling time, doing math, and dressing like a space captain.

Jimmy Fallon's Thank You Notes From Friday, July 16, 2010

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Thank you, Lance Armstrong, for competing in another Tour de France even though you're 40 years old. That takes a lot of ball.

Thank you, Mel Gibson, for giving me a great idea for What Women Want 2. Not Mel Gibson.

Thank you, guy who freaked out after seeing a double rainbow. What does it mean? It means the mushrooms are kicking in.

Thank you, the YMCA, for officially changing your name to The Y. I can't wait to hear your new song by the Village Person.

Thank you, People Magazine, for giving the Roots four stars for their new album "How I Got Over". And also, thank you for not including James in the picture.

Thank you, neighbors who put up a sign that says, "We don't swim in your toilet so don't pee in our pool". Pretty clever, but that's not stopping me.

Thank you, LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh, for joining Pat Riley in Miami. You guys are like the new Golden Girls.

Thank you, BP, for finally cleaning up the oil spill. You know, I originally wrote this thank you note a month and a half ago.