Jimmy Fallon's Thank You Notes from Friday, August 14, 2009

TRANSCRIPT
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Thank you, dog Snuggie, for allowing us to embarass dogs in a way never imagined possible. You did it. Thanks for that.

Thank you, Dick Cheney, for announcing your new tell-all memoir. I'm sure it will be a best seller, and give the publishing world a much needed shot in the face.

Thank you, Health Care town hall meetings, for combining a quaint small town potluck dinner with fight club. Question: What's the first rule about town hall fight club? Yeah, exactly.

Thank you, Miley Cyrus, for being 16 and acting like a stripper on the Teen Choice Awards. If you really want to piss off your dad, why not just cut off his allowance.

Thank you, Philadelphia Eagles, for signing Michael Vick. Thank you for not being named the Philadelphia Beagles.

Thank you, slow-walking families on the sidewalk. No, please, take your time. And definitely spread out, too. You create a sort of barricade of idiots. I'm so thankful that you forced me to walk on the street and risk getting hit by a car so I can resume walking at a normal human pace.

Thank you, Hillary Clinton, for showing the Congo and the rest of the world that you won't take crap from nobody. You pulled out your earbuds and were ready to go Jerry Springer on that dude. Also, taking out your earbuds is the new, "Yo, go hold my jacket while I kick some ass". Thank you.

Thank you, Insurance company death panels, for unplugging Grandma and freeing an outlet for our new Chevy Volt.

Thank you, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon audience that is attending our 100th episode, for not just being a great audience, but for being one of our top 100 audiences of all time.