Jimmy Fallon's Thank You Notes from Friday, August 7, 2009

TRANSCRIPT
----------
Thank you, Discovery Channel, for Shark Week. It's a week full of sharks. Thank you.

Thank you, shirtless Putin, for reminding us that even world leaders have nipples.

Thank you, Twitter, for crashing for several hours yesterday and making me focus on more important things, like clicking the "Refresh" button over and over again until you came back.

Thank you, ants in the kitchen sink, for allowing every day to start with murder. Every day you take the paper towel express to Toiletville. And yet more of you arrive the next morning. I don't get it, ants. But thank you.

Thank you, Arena Football League, for your 22 years of service. I will miss all the time we spent together. Like when I would be flipping through the channels and I'd say, "Hey, Arena Football. I should watch this sometime". And then change the channel.

Thank you, Kim Jong-Il, for the International equivalent of "Your ball landed in my yard. If you want it, you better come ring my bell and ask for it". You run your country the same way my grandma ran her front porch. My grandma has the same glasses, too.

Thank you, Bill Clinton, for bringing the two American journalists back from North Korea. Not only did you bring the girls home, but they were also debriefed. Congrats.

Thank you, DVR Remote Control, for your incredibly confusing response time. I push rewind five times and nothing happens, so I push it again and suddenly I'm all the way back to the beginning of the show, so I have to fast forward again. Why won't you just work, DVR remote? You're so confusing. Thank you.