Jimmy Fallon's Thank You Notes From Friday, April 9, 2010

TRANSCRIPT
----------
Thank you, Kate Gosselin, for saying you don't care what others think about you. By others, I think you mean your 8 kids.

Thank you, fat dude with giant headphones on the subway, for showing me what it would look like if Jabba the Hut made it with Princess Leia.

Thank you, guy who feels it's totally cool to fart and wall away. Look dude, if you're going to paint this picture, you better prepare to stare at it.

Thank you, didgeridoos. Your sounds are vibrant, weird, and say, "Hey, you can get weed over here.

Thank you, manhole that exploded in the middle of Manhattan this week, for showing us what's gonna happen when the battle of the mole people finally goes down. And even though I'm 35, thank you for making me laugh when someone says, "Exploding manhole".

Thank you, Tiger Woods, for saying that you were blown away by all your fans.

Thank you, salad dressing, for making sure that my salads are never undressed sluts.

Thank you, really good looking people in beer ads. Who are you? The beer drinkers I know are flabby duds.

Thank you, weather and traffic, for being the two things I can always talk about with old people.

Thank you, guys in ads for erectile dysfunction medication, for looking like you are having so much fun. You know, for a bunch of dudes with non-working weiners, you sure had a lot of fun at that jazz club.