Jimmy Fallon's Thank You Notes From Friday, April 2, 2010

TRANSCRIPT
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Thank you, Ricky Martin, for stunning us with the announcing that you're gay. Apparently she bangs, she bangs everyone but you.

Thank you, people who say, "Wow you're really photogenic", for not saying, "Wow, you're really ugly in person".

Thank you, antipasto, for really being against pasto.

Thank you, April Fools Day, for being the worst day to get a phone call saying you've been diagnosed with gonorrhea.

Thank you, 35-year old guy whose name is also Justin Bieber. Good luck introducing yourself to people the rest of your life.

Thank you, postcards, for ditching the envelope and letting the private message out for all the world to see.

Thank you, crutches, for showing me how people would walk if our legs came out our armpits.

Thank you, softball, for being like baseball for women and drunks.

Thank you, Lifetime Network original movies, for teaching us that anyone with a penis is probably a terrible person.