Jimmy Fallon's Thank You Notes From Friday, March 26, 2010

TRANSCRIPT
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Thank you, Buzz Aldrin, for appearing on Season 10 of Dancing With The Stars. You've inspired children all around the world to say, "Mom, Dad, when I grow up, I want to be an astronaut who dresses up like a Mater Dee of a Mexican restaurant and calls himself "Sparkle Taco".

Thank you, heavy dudes who don't make their tie long enough, for looking like you paid me Tuesday for a hamburger today.

Thank you, bathroom attendant who hands me a towel, for making me feel guilty for not handing them a dollar. And thank you me, for lying and saying I'll hand them a dollar the next time. We both know I'm never coming back to this restaurant.

Thank you, Cleveland Indians mascot, for answering the question, "What would it be like if someone drew a picture so racist it could never be a baseball mascot?".

Thank you, me from 3 months ago, for promising that I'll get in shape during the winter. You lying sack of shit. It's 4:00, put down the Cinnabon.

Thank you, restaurants that advertise breakfast all day, for saying, "Try getting this at a place not terrible".

Thank you, motion sensor hand towel machine. You never work, so I look like I'm waving to a wall robot.

Thank you, marshmallow Peeps, for being somehow much easier to snack on than real baby chickens.

Thank you, Michelle "Bombshell" McGee, for wearing that same Ed Hardy shirt in every photo. Oh, that's your skin.