Jimmy Fallon's Thank You Notes From Friday, March 5, 2010

TRANSCRIPT
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Thank you, air traffic controller at JFK, for letting your kids have something they will cherish for the rest of their lives. An unemployed father.

Thank you, yesterday, for being National Grammar Day. And sorry Grandma for the confusion.

Thank you, American Idol, for probably not being a White conspiracy, even though I just realized that Ryan Seacrest is an anagram for Aryan secrets.

Thank you, closing ceremonies of the Olympics, for looking like the World's Largest Gallagher concert.

Thank you, Oscar losers, for doing your best acting when you find out the bad news. Your forced, frozen smiles demonstrate the kind of acting you should have demonstrated when you had the chance.

Thank you, tiny children who call spaghetti pasghetti. Just because you're tiny doesn't mean you get to talk like an idiot.

Thank you, man who's suing the CBS show "The Doctors" for supposedly tricking him into having penis surgery on national TV. That was a dick move on their part. You really got the shaft. That was really wong.

Thank you, Good health avocado oil potato chips. Cut the crap, your a f@#%ing potato chip.