Jimmy Fallon's Thank You Notes From Friday, June 11, 2010

TRANSCRIPT
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Thank you, Rafael Nadal, for winning your 5th French Open, and still being less famous in our country than Snooki.

Thank you, the World Cup, for being the best thing besides America's Funniest Home Videos to see balls getting kicked.

Thank you, group of speedwalkers, for looking like a highly focused and technical race to a bathroom.

Thank you, teddy bears, for being way less judgmental than real bears when I try to spoon with you.

Thank you, female paparazzi, for not calling yourself "Mamarazzi".

Thank you, BP, for saying that the oil spill should decrease to a relative trickle by Monday or Tuesday. You know, I saw a relative trickle once. I was ten years old and Grandpa forgot to shut the bathroom door.

Thank you, millipedes, for being approximately ten times more awesome than centipedes.

Thank you, people who wear mirrored sunglasses. It's like I'm looking at you, looking at myself, looking at you, looking at myself, wait, WHO AM I?!?

Thank you, man in Washington who accidentally shot himself in the testicles at a hardware store. Welcome to Ace Hardware, the bolts are in aisle 4, the nuts are splattered all across aisle 7.