Jimmy Fallon's Thank You Notes From Friday, June 25, 2010

TRANSCRIPT
----------
Thank you, Helen Mirren, for posing topless on the cover of New York Magazine. It's good to see that you're still a member of SAG.

Thank you, NBC's Go Healthy Week, for being on the same week as Late Night With Jimmy Fallon's Video Game week. Did you know that you can burn 0.001% of one calorie when pushing a button? (Go Healthy Week graphic plays)

Thank you, my Driver's License photo, for reminding me that I look exactly like a homeless serial killer.

Thank you, brisk rejuvenating five mile run I had this morning - in my dreams. And when I woke up, I found a bear claw at Starbucks.

Thank you, handkerchiefs, for being a fancy way of saying, "I blow my nose into a tiny pillowcase in my pocket.

Thank you, gym that I go to. On the plus side, your treadmills have TV's on them. On the downside, your TV's have treadmills on them.

Thank you, wooden nutcrackers that look like soldiers. I guess that Don't Ask, Don't Tell doesn't exist in your army. Otherwise you wouldn't be so Cavalier about putting all those nuts in your mouth.