Jimmy Fallon's Thank You Notes From Friday, June 25, 2010

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Thank you, Helen Mirren, for posing topless on the cover of New York Magazine. It's good to see that you're still a member of SAG.

Thank you, NBC's Go Healthy Week, for being on the same week as Late Night With Jimmy Fallon's Video Game week. Did you know that you can burn 0.001% of one calorie when pushing a button? (Go Healthy Week graphic plays)

Thank you, my Driver's License photo, for reminding me that I look exactly like a homeless serial killer.

Thank you, brisk rejuvenating five mile run I had this morning - in my dreams. And when I woke up, I found a bear claw at Starbucks.

Thank you, handkerchiefs, for being a fancy way of saying, "I blow my nose into a tiny pillowcase in my pocket.

Thank you, gym that I go to. On the plus side, your treadmills have TV's on them. On the downside, your TV's have treadmills on them.

Thank you, wooden nutcrackers that look like soldiers. I guess that Don't Ask, Don't Tell doesn't exist in your army. Otherwise you wouldn't be so Cavalier about putting all those nuts in your mouth.

Jimmy Fallon's Thank You Notes From Friday, October 16, 2009

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Thank you, New York City, for skipping fall and already becoming cold and wintry again. It's like visiting Narnia every time I walk through a revolving door.

Thank you, the gym, for being exactly like my grandpa - always being there, even though I only visit twice a year.

Thank you, Joe Biden's son Bo, for considering a run for your dad's old senate seat. Here's a campaign slogan: Vote vote Bo Biden, Banana Fanana Fo Fiden, For Senate!

Thank you, customer service guy in India who calls himself Todd, thinking that he'll fool me into thinking he's in Omaha and not in New Delhi. Nice try, Todd. Yes, I'll hold.

Thank you, trees that are losing leaves. Soon, you will be nude and you can't do anything about it. You leafless bitch!

Thank you, Calvin Klein, for creating new men's jeans with padding in the crotch. Thanks to you, I can now wear socks on my feet.