Jimmy Fallon's Thank You Notes From Friday, November 6, 2009

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Thank you, Christmas decorations, for going up right after Halloween. Nothing says holidays like my neighbor replacing his plastic dracula with his plastic baby Jesus.

Thank you, Barack Obama's half-brother Mark Obama Dishanga, for being just the latest Presidential sibling to show up out of nowhere, only to embarrass his more famous brother in the White House. Obama has you, Jimmy Carter had Billy, Bill Clinton has Roger, and President Bush, well, he was the embarrassing brother.

Thank you, Chase Utley, for tying Reggie Jackson's record of most home runs during a World Series. Also, thank you for proving that the key to hitting home runs is using an entire tub of LA Looks hair gel before every game.

Thank you, flour, for keeping the paper sack container business alive. Don't wanna change your packaging, huh? Whenever I want to buy you, I feel like Charles Ingulls buying something from Olsen's store.

Thank you, Adam's apple, for being the only way I can tell if someone is a tranny or not.

Thank you, the dishwasher, for never getting my dishes clean, even though that's your only job. Yep, you got a pretty sweet deal, don't you, dishwasher. Don't worry dishwasher, I'm just fooling around. Why do you look so freaked out? Wait, hold on a second dishwasher, why are you wearing a wire? You're a cop! You betrayed me, dishwasher!

Thank you, Pez dispensers, for being little creatures that vomit candy out of your necks.

Thank you, the lightbulb that has been out in my house for the past two months, for reminding me how lazy I am. And when I replace you, it won't be from one I bought, it will be from the least important light in the house.